Day 1

I’m giving up the shit…yeah…it’s enough…I’ve had enough…..no more…it’ll be tough but I’m going to do it !


You know you have a problem, you know deep down that it’s true.  You think other people see what you know but you hope that they don’t.  I know and I see and I really, really want to change things….you know how and you want to now but…it doesn’t come easy.  Tomorrow is always the first day of making things better…on your own because you’re too ashamed to ask for help.

Every once in a while I get a good kick in the rump…I can totally thank my friend “Sarai” for that….well…she’s given me another “kick” and I’m looking forward to spending some really good quality time here…I’m needing it and I’m craving it.  After all…this is these are the writing of my inner soul.

Gosh  I can’t believe how time gets the better of me….I’m still alive….still crazy with life and all that it has for me……still struggling and still sooooo………alone.

Nobody knows what I’m feeling.  The pain and the loneliness I feel….I hide it…I hide it well.  As I write I’m numbed with that which  blocks all that torments me…at least for the moment.  I feel so alone….I want to be alone….I want to run and hide.

It’s just me….nobody else knows how I feel……It’s just me and the keys at this point.

This is incredibly beautiful….found at TheStanfieldJourney blog.

And God Said

I said, “God, I hurt.” And God said, “I know.”
I said, “God, I cry a lot.” And God said, “That is why I gave you tears.”
I said, “God, I am so depressed.” And God said, “That is why I gave you Sunshine.”
I said, “God, life is so hard.” And God said, “That is why I gave you loved ones.”
I said, “God, my son died.” And God said, “So did mine.”
I said, “God, it is such a loss.” And God said, “I saw my son nailed to a cross.”
I said, “God, but your son lives.” And God said, “So does yours.”
I said, “God, where are they now?” And God said, “Mine is on My right and Yours is in the Light.”
I said, “God, it hurts.” And God said, “I know.”

~Authors K. C. and Myke Kuzmic~

Some days I feel so frustrated and angry.  I find myself asking “why me?”.  Why did I end up being in a position where I have to take care of, not only my disabled father….but also my elderly and disabled father-in-law?  I was blessed with three lovely (and active) children, a dog and wonderful, loving husband.  My home-based business was rocketing….and then I find myself with cares, worries and tasks I thought I’d never have handle on my own.  And on my own is pretty much how it is.

My husband is incredibly supportive…he better be….his dad is the “elder and disabled” guy! Sometimes though when we take the dog out together in the evening I tend to vent…and I vent some more.  Of course then I feel bad….  Today during our walk he tells me about the program he had heard on Christian radio today….it said that whatever we’re dealing with in our lives right now…well they were written for us….they are part of God’s plan for us.  If deal with them in a frustrated and angry manner….we are not accepting of God’s plan for us and focusing on him but yet that which brings angry and incontent.  We need to give thanks for whatever is facing us….for it really is His plan….and there’s a purpose to it all.